Navigating the holidays after loss

With so many difficult things coming up in the next few weeks, the one year anniversary of my husbands death, Christmas, my Birthday and New Years, it would be easy for me to just hide under the covers with a box of wine until its all over, and believe me it has gone through my mind. 

 Lucky for me I have the kids to help through which certainly makes the push to do better, easier than some of you who may not have others depending on you.  But, I will say, my strategy for surviving is no different than it has been since his memorial, its simply deciding how I want to feel. 

I made a decision before walking into the funeral home that day, that I was going to feel proud to stand there as his wife, as the person he choose to love till his last breath.  I encouraged the kids to decide the same for themselves.  And guess what?

I did do that.  I stood feeling proud.

I know grief cant always be controlled and you have to feel all of the emotions in order to heal, that’s my biggest take away from this year, its allowing the space to feel without trying to fix – anyone who knows me knows that’s a biggie.  But for me I was able to influence how I felt it, what I made it mean.

So going into these next two weeks I am deciding that I am going to make his one year Anniversary of his death just a day, Christmas, just a day, my Birthday, just a day, and New Years, just a day.  We can always handle one day.

I am deciding to feel grateful.  Grateful for all of the beautiful Christmas memories we have.  Grateful that I will have 4 beautiful Children to laugh with, cry with, and remember with.  Grateful to have family and friends who have fought by our side this year to help us heal.

But I will not let it become a big dark cloud that sits over us; it does nobody any good to approach it that way.  We will feel sadness in moments; we will feel joy in moments, and whatever we all feel it’s all okay.

 So for those of you who are facing the same fears or looming anxiety about what is to come, I challenge you to just breathe, see it as it is, not worse than it is, and plan in advance an intention of how you want to feel through this holiday season.  I would love to hear from you after and know if you felt more empowered.

 As always, love fearlessly, and live fully XO