I just can’t do this anymore
“I can’t do this anymore, I am sick of it all, I just want to sell everything and run away, I’m SO done!”
This was the conversation I had with myself today after my lawnmower wouldn’t start, and I got attitude for asking for someone to clean their bathroom. It’s a build up, the dishes everywhere, the messy rooms, teenagers constantly in and out of my house, the laundry, the cat litter everywhere, the dog needing walked, the piling up of papers and the grass that needs to be cut, the getting people out the door in the mornings, missed buses, the motivating, the emotional support, the appointments, planning, shopping, cooking. 😩
It literally felt like the whole world was weighing down on me, and I was ready to break.
So I did.
I cried, I cursed Mike for leaving me with all of this, for having to deal with lawnmowers, and renovations, contractors, siding, broken dishwashers, and tree removal, and all these tools I don’t even understand what they are for! (likely one I could use to fix the lawnmower but I don’t have that skill and even watching a YouTube video about it overwhelms me!) For the pressure of our kids well-being all on me, for leaving me to do all of it alone, unsure and incapable at times.
I was angry!! 😡
But actually.....I wasn’t. My emotions showed up that way, but really, I was sad, I was scared, I was lonely, I was missing him, overwhelmed by the fear that I might not be able to do it all, and if I can’t do it all; then I’m a failure.
My limiting belief.
I could never “be a failure.” I will fail at things, yes for sure, but that doesn’t make me a failure, it just makes me human, and those failing moments are learning, they teach me to let some things go, or try something different. Once I worked through this emotion I felt the tension disappear, and was able to deal effectively with what I needed to.
See nothing external changed, all of those demands were still there, what changed was my mindset, my belief about it.
By working through my thoughts and emotions and writing it all down, I was able to go from pure anger, physical tension, and tears, to acceptance, self compassion, and empowerment as the leader of this family. That’s the magic of emotional intelligence friends! Now it didn’t take away the real feelings of sadness, or just pure grief but it takes away the stories that go along with it; that just magnify every issue as if it’s the end of the world.
That other stuff, well it’s just stuff, it will get done, we’ll figure it out, what’s more important is that my head is good so I can tune into my heart and do the important job of just loving my kids, and myself. ❌⭕️
